When to Break Up

Break Up Immediately

1. When your lover rapes you.
2. When your lover molests your children.
3. When your lover threatens to kill you.
4. When your lover has a history of physically abusing you.
5. When your lover has a history of verbally abusing you.

Prepare to Break Up

1. When your lover threatens to commit suicide if you leave.
   If your lover is an emotionally weak person and if they commit suicide, you may blame yourself for causing it. Make sure their support network is informed about their mental condition passing the responsibility to their family and friends. If they have no family and friends, give them a suicide hotline number, a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist, and literature on anti-depressive drugs. Inform your lover that you know that they are trying to use guilt to trap you and it is not going to work. Tell them that being emotionally weak makes them less attractive. Then you can leave guilty free.
   
   
2. When your lover physically or verbally abuses you for the first time.
   Your lover has beaten you for the first time and it does not feel good. Start investigating their parents to see if there is a tread of abuse in their family. If you break-up cost is too high and would like to give a relationship another try, warn your lover that they only have one more chance and they need to get counseling. Start the preparing to breakup.
   
   
3. When your lover cheats on you.
   When your lover cheats on you, it is a sign that there is something really wrong in your relationship. If you can not find a better lover or your break-up cost is too high, try to fix what was wrong. Identify the reasons why your lover cheated on you. What benefits have they received from cheating that they were not able to get from you? If you are unable to provide these benefits, your can be sure that your lover will cheat on you again.
   
   
4. When your net benefit is negative and there is no hope it will increase.
   Communicate to your lover that your commitment is wearing thin. Give them milestones and a timetable to increase your net benefit. Start preparing to breakup so when they fail you could leave on a moments notice.

When Not to Break Up

1. You are not emotionally strong enough.
   Do not break up if the emotional pain from the breaking up may cause you to commit suicide. Reestablish and strengthen you support network before breaking up. If you have no one, you can turn to a psychologist or psychiatrist to buffer the emotional pain.
   
   
2. You are not financially strong enough.
   If breaking up may mean you will be whoring yourself on the street to survive, give yourself sometime to get a job and a place before breaking up.

Breaking Up Related Information